Posted in Books

Best Books of 2020

Merry Christmas/Happy holidays everyone! Here is a picture of my adorable dog in front of the Christmas tree!

I am sure if you follow any book lovers on social media, we are all posting about our favorite books of 2020. I hope that some of the books I have on my list are not too repetitive for you guys. I also am not putting these books in any particular order because that was just too hard for me to pick the order. Anyways here we go! Please enjoy my best books of 2020 list!

Adult fantasy 

  • Rage of Dragons/Fires of Vengeance by Evan Winters
  • Crescent City by Sarah J Maas 
  • Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson 
  • Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett
  • Battleground by Jim Butcher 

YA fantasy 

  • Brooklyn Brujas series by Zoraida Cordova 
  • Cursebreakers series by Brigid Kemmerer 
  • Black witch chronicles by Laurie Forest 
  • A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J Maas
  • Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas 


  • Eight Perfect Murders by Peter Swanson 
  • There’s someone inside your house by Stephanie perkins 
  • Home before dark by riley sager 
  • Malevolent by Jana deleon 
  • The Whisper Man by Alex North 


  • Birthday Girl by Penelope Douglas 
  • From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout 
  • Nightfall by Penelope Douglas 
  • Neanderthal Seeks Human by Penny Reid 
  • The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang 

Middle grade 

  • School for good and evil series by Soman Chainani 
  • The Rithmatist by Brandon Sanderson 
  • The mark of athena by Rick Riordan 
  • Magnus Chase by Rick Riordan
  • The last olympian by rick riordan 


  • The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix 
  • Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia 
  • The Shadows by Alex North
  • Year of the Witching by Alexis Henderson 
  • My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix


  • My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell 
  • A Fire Sparking by Julianne Maclean 
  • The Tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris 
  • Lovely War by Julie Berry 
  • Dominicana by Angie Cruz 

YA Romance/Fiction 

  • What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera 
  • Bookish and the Beast by Ashley Poston 
  • Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender 
  • Yes No Maybe So by Becky Albertalli and Aisha Saeed
  • Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales 


  • You’re Never Weird On The Internet by Felicia Day
  • Music to My Years by Cristela Alonzo
  • If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterbood by Gregg Olsen 
  • White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk about Racism by Robin DiAngelo
  • Market Ghost Stories by Mercedes Yaeger 


  • Hold Me Tight by Jason Schneiderman 
  • The Truth about Magic by Atticus 
  • The Dark Between Stars by Atticus

Posted in Bad Mexican Daughter, blog, life

The Bad Mexican Daughter – Part 4

For this Bad Mexican Daughter post, I don’t have a specific topic to discuss but I just want to talk about my recent experience with my family when I flew down to Arizona at the end of June. So I went back to AZ for my mom’s 50th birthday, she is the member of my family that I am closest to so I felt like I could not miss her birthday this year for any reason. I was excited to spend time with her and celebrate her birthday even though being around my family for 4 days straight with no place to hide is really hard. 

To save money, I decided to stay at my parents’ house instead of booking a hotel room and honestly I think that was a mistake. Just like I always do, let me just say, I love my family but unfortunately, they agitate my anxiety so much. When I am hanging out with them, especially my sister and dad, I just feel completely judged and like an alien. 

Let me explain the alien part. I am VERY different from my family. I love to read, love fantasy/science fiction/superhero movies, rock/metal music and I just don’t always connect with them about their likes. So when I am there and I am just reading or watching a certain show on TV, there is always someone in my family who comments on how weird I am. They like saying how “white” I am and that if I didn’t look like them, they would think I wasn’t part of the family because I am so different. 

I have worked really hard over the years to like and love myself. I have worked hard to not be ashamed of my interests and just who I am in general. Which means that every time I spend a decent amount of time with my family, all of the work I have done on myself seems to go out the window. I find it so difficult to like myself and not be ashamed of myself when I have people constantly telling me how different and strange I am. I know they are not trying to be mean, they are just pointing out the obvious but when I have told them how those comments make me feel and they still continue, I don’t know what else I can do besides just stay away from them. 

My sister is probably the person that says these kinds of comments to me the most and somehow makes me feel the worst about myself. She and I have always been opposites and while growing up, I was the good daughter and she was the troublemaker. Now those roles have reversed in my parents’ eyes because I choose to take care of myself first instead of focusing on the family and moving away. 

Since we couldn’t have a party for our mom this year because of the pandemic, my sister came up with an idea to reach out to our friends and family to submit a happy birthday video message for our mom. I thought that was a brilliant idea and I helped as much as I could. She reached out to the majority of people though because she had access to our mom’s phone book since they live together and I don’t. She had to point out for the entire four days I was there that she did pretty much everything by herself. She also decorated the house for our mom’s birthday, did it while I was out, and then made comments like she did this all because she loves mom so much and that she didn’t get any help. 

I just wonder sometimes if other people feel like aliens in their own family or if it’s just me. Honestly it feels like I am constantly speaking a different language from the rest of my family and I have to try so hard not to let it completely trigger my depression and my anxiety.

Sorry for the long winded rant about this. Hopefully some of you will understand my feelings and thoughts about this. Maybe there are a few of you that even feel like this too. 

Alrighty, have a great day everyone!

Posted in Books, Fantasy

April Book Wrap-up and Review!

Damsel by Elana K Arnold 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • Overall, this book was decent. I was expecting a fairy tale retelling story but I got the opposite of that. The author used this book to write about male domination of women and the ugliness that can happen when a woman fights that domination. This book is a dark allegory and I think it achieved its goal of making the reader angry and disgusted by the male characters within the story. Be advised if you pick up this book, there is some explicit sexual content and abusive relationships. 

Scrappy Little Nobody by Anna Kendrick

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Autobiography 
  • Anna Kendrick is one of my favorite actresses and when I found out that she had a memoir out, I knew I had to read it. This memoir was clever and hilarious. I loved learning about her life before she became famous. 

The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Fantasy
  • This was a surprising favorite in the month of April. This book is considered grimdark fantasy and even though I am a fantasy fan, there are some grimdark books that just were not for me. The Blade Itself was definitely a book for me! I loved all the characters and I loved seeing how flawed they are and I can’t wait to see how the rest of the First Law trilogy goes! 

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Fiction, Thriller
  • I don’t know even what to say about My Dark Vanessa. Really quickly, a brief summary: This book follows two timelines; first: where Vanessa, 15-year old girl, goes to a board school and ends up in a relationship with her English teacher, the second: Years later, Vanessa is an adult and allegations about this teacher are coming out about how he has been abusing several girls over the years. Vanessa as an adult has a hard time accepting that these allegations are true because she remembers her relationship with him being mutual, consensual, and about love, not abuse. This book is so powerful with an important subject matter that needs to be talked about. Warning: There are several difficult scenes to read in this book. A lot of sexual abuse and gaslighting. Take your time reading this novel, it is worth the read. 

Attachments by Rainbow Rowell

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Romance, Contemporary
  • This month was apparently the Rainbow Rowell month because I ended up reading 3 of her books. Her stories have always been enjoyable and this one was just as great as I was hoping. After reading My Dark Vanessa, I needed a light, sweet love story and this book was perfect for that. 

Winterwood by Shea Ernshaw 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • This was an easy and simple read that I enjoyed quite a bit. Definitely wasn’t my favorite of the month but for a basic YA story, it was good. The reader follows this girl, who comes from a line of witches connected to the woods next to her house. When walking through the woods one day, she finds a boy that had been missing for a couple of weeks and he should have been dead by now. It was a decent fantasy mystery with a cute love story. 

A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • Retellings of Beauty and Beast are very popular in TV, movies, and books so I was nervous about reading another one but wow! This book is PHENOMENAL! I absolutely loved the world, the characters, the pacing. Probably the best Beauty and the Beast retelling I have ever read. I plan on reading the sequel in May and I am so excited! 

The Tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Historical Fiction
  • I had been considering reading this book for so long and I am so glad I finally did! This story is set in Auschwitz and we follow a man who “volunteered” to go with the Nazis so that his family didn’t have to. Once he arrived at the concentration camp, he got sick and since he survived that sickness, the tattooist took him under his wing to help protect him. Eventually the main character becomes the main tattooist and the story follows him for years as he meets the love of his life, tries to survive, and save as many people as he can. Highly recommend if you enjoy reading historical fiction and stories about survival, specifically from the Holocaust.  

Emergency Contact by Mary H.K. Choi

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Romance, Contemporary
  • I am usually not a fan of contemporary books but this one was really fun and an adorable read. These characters felt real to me and the world was believable. Sometimes the main characters were a bit judgy and prickly but overall, I understood why they were acting like that. Not to mention, I did like how anxiety was described within this book. Quick and fun read.

Blood of Elves by Andrzej Sapakowski 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Fantasy
  • This is the first book in the Witcher series after the two short story books. I watched the Witcher series on netflix before reading this book and played a bit of the Witcher games. I really enjoyed this world where we follow a witcher called Geralt of Rivia and a special girl named Ciri. There are sorcerers, magic, elves, dwarfs, and monsters everywhere in this series and I think it’s amazing. I’m excited to continue on with the Witcher books. 

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Psychology
  • I connected with most of the ideas in this book about introverts and I found myself nodding awhile with several points. If someone asked me if this is worth a read, I would say yes but I would need to add that there weren’t many eye-opening revelations so don’t go in expecting that. 

Permanent Record by Mary H.K. Choi 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fiction, Romance, Contemporary
  • Permanent Record was probably the most disappointing reading from this month. I was expecting to like this book because I enjoyed Emergency Contact  by the same author but wow, was I wrong. I just could not connect with the main character at all or his love interest. I didn’t like the slang and dialogue within this story either. If you want to read Mary H.K. Choi’s book, read Emergency Contact,  not this one. 

Star Wars: Thrawn by Timothy Zahn

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Science Fiction, Fantasy
  • I read the original Thrawn trilogy years ago and it became my favorite Star Wars trilogy of all time. When I heard that it was no longer canon and the author was rewriting the Thrawn storyline, I was upset at first. But this book exceeded my expectations! Thrawn’s political rise within the Empire was insane because of how brilliant he is. I can’t wait to read the next two books in the series! 

Landline by Rainbow Rowell

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Romance
  • This was another good book by Rainbow Rowell but I will say, it was probably my least favorite book by her. This story follows a married couple from meeting in college, to starting a relationship, marriage, having children, to where they are in the present day. They are having some problems because the wife, at first, is very focused on her career. We follow her journey during a week without her family, where she discovers her mistakes and realizes what she needs to be happy. It was a sweet story overall. 

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • Where do I begin with this book?! I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Not only is it my favorite Rainbow Rowell book ever, but it was a fan fiction type story besides on the world from the Harry Potter books. I haven’t really talked about my love and obsession with Harry Potter on my blog yet but when I heard what this book was about, I knew it was for. I read it almost all in one sitting because I just couldn’t put it down. Best way to finish the month of April. 
Posted in Bad Mexican Daughter

The Bad Mexican Daughter – Part 3

Hey everyone! Bad Mexican Daughter is back again! Sorry for the long stretch between the Bad Mexican Daughter posts. Unfortunately because of the current state of the world, I have not been in too much of a writing mood. I have pretty much just been hiding away into book after book. You guys may have noticed all of my book related content lately. Anyways, let this new post begin. 

I have mentioned before how I didn’t grow up in the happiest of homes. There were many great memories and I love my family but I would be lying if I said that I had a happy childhood. It only got worse as I became a teenager because I could finally understand what my parents had been hiding from me and my sister the entire time; my dad’s alcoholism. Well actually, it was my mom keeping it a secret, my dad usually wasn’t there. He was too busy drinking at a bar or a casino to try and hide anything. 

By the time I was a teenager, my sister and I could not stand each other. When I tell people this, they assume it’s typical sibling bickering but no, it was much deeper than that. As I grew up and learned more about who my father was, I did not try and hide my disappointment and frustration with him. I would ignore him or if he forced me to talk to him, I would snap at him. My sister is younger than me and she still didn’t know everything about his problems so what she saw was just a bad daughter being a bitch to her beloved dad. My mom had made me promise not to tell my sister anything about my dad or the drinking problem so I could not explain to her why I was acting that way towards our dad. 

The reason I brought this all up is because this is the main reason I moved away to another state as soon as I was 18 years old. For a long time, I explained it to friends and family that I was moving away because of school but honestly, I just had to get away from my dad. It killed me to leave my mom but I knew that I could not stay near my dad because I could not deal with the lies and the fighting between my parents. Before I was 18, I would do anything I could to stay out of my house all day and sometimes all night. I couldn’t be there. What I know now is that I was doing all of this to protect myself because my anxiety and depression were getting worse the more time I spent near him. 

Moving away, no matter if it was for a reason like the one I had, was not okay in my family. I think my mom understood deep down why I was leaving but everyone else in my extended family saw this move as strange and wrong. Mexican daughters are not supposed to leave their parents’ house until they are married. I had aunts, uncles, and my grandmother telling me all the time how much my parents, especially my mom missed me, how I should come back home because it would be best for my parents, that it’s safer to be at home with them. My dad’s problems were a known secret to the extended family and yet, I was the bad one in the household. How dare I leave my parents before marriage. To this day, I have family members tell me that it is good I moved back to my home state (6 years later, mind you) because my family needed me. 

What frustrates me the most about all of this is that no one in my family (except maybe a cousin or two) seemed to understand the pain I was in when I lived at home. To them, my dad’s problems were just that, his problems. I was labeled the bad mexican daughter by my extended family because moving away was selfish and irresponsible. There could be no possible good reason for a young woman to move away from home, worse to another state.

Now I am 26 years old. I still get comments when my grandmother comes to visit the family that it’s a blessing to have me back in the same state as my parents, although I should really consider moving back with my parents all together. She loves to make me feel guilty, saying things like, “I know how happy your mom is to have you near again, she was so unhappy when you were gone. Your dad too. Good thing you realized the mistakes you made and came back.” 

What only my mom and sister know now is that I plan on moving out of state again in May of this year. I have a great opportunity waiting for me in Washington so my boyfriend, my dog, and I are moving up there. I couldn’t be more excited, I have always wanted to live in Washington. My mom is actually happy for me. I don’t know if it is because she knows I am not running away this time or if it’s because I’m older but she is understanding and happy. My sister was a little passive aggressive when she found out but it was a better reaction than I was expecting honestly. I don’t really care what my extended family thinks about the move and that is why I haven’t told any of them. I still need to tell my dad but with everything going on in this world, I just haven’t had the chance. I know when I call and tell him, he will be upset at me but I’m unfortunately used to it. I will be the bad mexican daughter once again but at this point in my life, I am okay with that. Wish me luck everyone when I finally decide to call my dad with this news, later this week!

Posted in blog, emotions, family, friendship, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, mourning

The End of an Era

A few months ago, I wrote about a friendship of mine that had changed. One where my friend and I were very close, very dependent on each other but after 10+ years of friendship, we were just becoming too different to stay best friends. But since that post, many things have happened. 

My friend and I used to be roommates and wow, was that a bad choice. Our friendship pretty much dissolved completely in just a year. The first post where I wrote about our friendship was about 9 to 10 months into us living together. If any of you have read that post, which was called “Friendships Change,” you would understand how our friendship was before it blew up. It was helpful, healing, and just fun. Music played a huge role in our friendship. Unhealthy family dynamics probably played the largest role in our friendship. 

Anyways, I wanted to write about this again because since that post, the friendship has completely exploded. Even though I was still under a lease at our apartment, I just told her that I would continue to pay my part of the rent but I was moving out. I couldn’t live in a place where I felt constantly criticized and where my life and the people in my life were looked at with disdain. 

I had hoped deep down that once I moved out and some time had passed, we would be able to maybe mend our friendship. I didn’t think we would ever be best friends again like before, but maybe just a friend that you talk and hang out with here and there. How wrong I was. 

As soon as our lease was up and we moved completely out, she removed me from all social media and blocked me. The day I found that out, man, did it hurt. All my hopes about keeping her in my life were gone. It has been about 5 months since we last talked. Whenever something big or important happens in my life, my first instinct is to text her and tell her about it but then I remember I can’t do that anymore. 

There are some days when all of this really hurts and I just want to cry. She was like a sister to me, someone who I trust over everyone else. I know I don’t have that person anymore, that they are just gone sucks so much. I have grieved for loved ones before that have passed away, and this pain is very similar to that. The person who was my sister, my best friend is gone; she doesn’t exist anymore. 

Day by day, the pain is slowly fading. I have made new friendships, who support and encourage me, who love the me I am today. She made her choice. If she wants nothing to do with me anymore, then I will move on and eventually, I hope that I will just remember our friendship for the good times we had. I wish her nothing but the best. 

If any of you have ever gone through something like this or are currently going through this, just know it gets better. But remember, it is still okay to mourn that friendship, that held a special place in your heart for so long.

Posted in blog, Books, fandom, Fantasy, geek, poetry

January Book Wrap Up

Earlier this month, I posted my January book review and I thought I wasn’t going to get through any other books the rest of the month because of school. But LUCKILY, my school work hasn’t been that bad yet! So I went a little crazy and read A LOT more books after those from my last post. 8 more books to be exact!

Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • I LOVE this book and when I found out there was a sequel to it, I got real excited. This book creates a beautiful world of magic with hints of the Latino culture which I loved since I grew up in the Mexican culture. Best way to describe this book is think of the show Charmed but with Latinx witches (brujas)!

The Power of Self-Compassion by Laurie J Cameron 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Self-Help
  • Audible
  • I liked this audiobook but I didn’t think it was anything new or revolutionary. I enjoyed some of the exercises within this book to help with calming anxiety and that negative voice that can affect your brain.

You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) by Felicia Day

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Autobiography
  • I knew even before starting this book that I would absolutely love it! If you are a fan of Felicia Day, the gaming world online, or just geek stuff, read this book.

The Book of Sam by Rob Shapiro 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • The world described was so vivid that I felt completely immersed and the descriptions in this book about Hell were different from others I have read so I appreciated that. As you read this book and meet new character, you will just never know if that person/demon is good or bad.

Hold Me Tight by Jason Schneiderman 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Poetry
  • Very different from other poetry books I have read before. This book addressed anxiety from a world filled with technology and violence.

Bruja Born by Zoraida Cordova 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • Sequel to Labyrinth Lost and it did not disappoint at all. Again, if you loved Charmed, love witches, and strong female characters, read this series. I can’t wait for the third book in the series to come out later this year.

Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
  • This was an easy and fun young adult book that makes you invested in the character’s lives and dreams. The romance in this book was simple and was built nice and slow from the beginning. I don’t like when authors introduce character, give them little interaction together and then they were somehow in love. This book’s romance made sense.

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness 

  • Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Genre: Young Adult Fiction/Fantasy
  • It takes a lot for me to cry at a book or movie but this book truly made it easy to cry because of the heart-wrenching storyline. The author tackled the ideas of death, grieving, loss, and healing after the death of a loved one.

I am so proud of myself this month. I got through 19 books total this January! Started off this year strong for sure. We shall see how February goes. I am currently working on three books, Towers of Midnight (Wheel of Time book 13) by Robert Jordan, Glass Sword (Red Queen book 2) by Victoria Aveyard, and The Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson and the Olympians book 2) by Rick Riordan. I am excited to see what other worlds I discover this month! What are you guys reading? Do you guys have any recommendations? Leave me a comment. Until next time, bye everyone!


Posted in Bad Mexican Daughter, blog, family, life

The Bad Mexican Daughter – Part 1

Ever since I can remember, I have always said that I am a bad Mexican daughter or in general just a bad Mexican. My entire family is Mexican, both of my parents were born in Chihuahua, Mexico, moved to the US in the 90s, and later had me and my sister. Growing up in California, I was surrounded by Mexican culture; the music, food, people, religion, traditions. All of it. So you would think I should be good at being Mexican but you would be wrong. These next set of posts will example how I am a bad Mexican. 

Quick disclaimer, if you find that you are like me and would be considered untraditional in your culture, that is completely okay. I have come to terms with being different from my family and it doesn’t mean we love each other any less. They like to give me a hard time about the way that I am but oh well, that just means I need to return the snarkiness right back to them. Be who you are and do not be ashamed of that person because that person is great. 

Now onto probably the biggest reason I consider myself a bad Mexican, I am too “white” or at least that’s what several family members and friends have said. 

Let’s start with the first example of how I am a bad Mexican or too white…I suck at speaking Spanish. Spanish was actually my first language with English being taught to me here and there. I went to a bilingual preschool and that is where English became the main focus. As I grew up, I would only speak Spanish with my family because there was no need for me to speak it at school. When I would go visit family visit in Mexico as a teen, my relatives would tease me about my “bad” Spanish which was becoming more “Spanglish” every year. Then when I was 18, I moved away to Nebraska and I really didn’t speak any Spanish there at all! Only time I got to practice my Spanish was on my weekly calls to my mom back in Arizona. Once I moved back to Arizona in 2018, my Spanish was just terrible. My family gives me crap about it constantly to this day.

Second example: Being a nerd, liking rock/metal, and liking the foods I like makes me too white. So I have a big family, a lot of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc and on top of that I have had many Latinx friends and let me tell you, it is really hard to find people with the same interests as me. Like I said before, I am a huge nerd, whether it’s fantasy, sci-fi, anime, those are my things. Being a nerd is not a very Mexican thing and my family has never understood where my love for these things came from. Plus when I was younger, my parents would try and deter me away from things like Harry Potter and video games because they didn’t like them. It was always strange to my family when I would choose to skip a family party to stay home and read or watch something nerdy. They believed I should enjoy going to family parties, dancing, being around people but that just isn’t me. Besides my love for nerdy things, I also love rock and metal music way more than what my family likes, which is country and latino music. I can appreciate those styles of music but it’s just not my preference at all. I remember when I discovered bands like Linkin Park and Disturbed, my mom was upset and believed it was the devil’s music which was making me different from the family. I think my family just never understood the beauty behind this kind of music because they just focus on the aggressive guitar/drums and “screaming” vocals and not on the lyrics. Lastly, to many I am too white because I prefer foods like steak and sushi and prefer drinks like whiskey and craft beers. These items to people in my family, at least, would be considered “white people food.” I never understood why what it liked to eat mattered so much, especially because I enjoy Mexican food too, just not as much as the others I mentioned. Yet, my family likes to bring it up to me and comment on it. 

These are just a quick overview of things that make me seem too white to my family and adds to be being a bad Mexican. I know these few examples are not major traits to me, they are just simple parts of who I am but when you are like me and are so different from those in your family, these little traits are always criticized and mentioned.

This is just part 1 of The Bad Mexican Daughter series. Later I will focus on other traits and beliefs like religion that makes me different. Please come back and if you have a question or comment, feel free to send me a message!

Posted in blog, Dog, lifestyle, Pet, Separation Anxiety

Wallaby, the Anxious Dog

In August, my boyfriend and I adopted a beautiful, sweet dog named Wallaby. The humane society said he was a chihuahua/australian cattle dog mix but honestly I think he is more of a mini pinscher than a cattle dog! Pretty quickly we realized that Wallaby suffered from separation anxiety. Having a dog with social anxiety and separation anxiety can be tough. Knowing that you have to leave your dog alone when going to work, school, etc can be rough when you know they have these problems. For me, not only do I feel guilty leaving him alone when I know he is upset, I also get upset thinking about what he might have gone through before we adopted him. We know a little about his past before us and when we adopted him, Wallaby had just recovered from a broken jaw. Whoever abandoned him had most likely broken his poor jaw. Literally writing that just made me start tearing up. He is the sweetest boy in the world who loves his humans more than anything and to think he suffered like that, crushes my heart.

Over the last 6 months, we have observed several triggers that will scare him. Some are obvious; loud sounds, crashing sounds, fireworks. Others are a little more random, like if I even touch a broom or mop, he instantly cowards and hides. Also if a strange man comes close to him, he will start to shake, cry, and bark. Luckily, the more time we take him out to meet people and other dogs, the more confident he is getting and the fears that he had are slowly disappearing. 

During the first visit with his vet after the adoption, we explained to the vet all the behaviors that Wallaby had whenever he realized we were leaving. As soon as he sees us get our keys or even put socks on, he will start to shake pretty severely, then comes the jumping. He will jump on us hoping we will stay or at least take him with us. He will start nibbling at our hands and clothing as well. At this point, we usually notice that he is aroused, which is apparently common for dogs with separation anxiety. The worst thing that happened because of his anxiety was severe damage to our bedroom door. He had started scratching underneath the door in order to try and reach us so every time we would get home, wood and paint chips would be everywhere! 

The vet made us feel better about this situation, she suggested several techniques and ideas to help with his anxiety. The main one was CBD. I had heard that it could help humans with anxiety but I had no idea it would work for dogs as well! She also suggested reading a book called Decoding Your Dog: Explaining Common Dog Behaviors and How to Prevent or Change Unwanted Ones by American College of Veterinary Behaviorists. I am so glad she suggested that book because it gave some many tricks and ideas to help a dog with this condition. We bought him so CBD oil and give it to him in the mornings and an hour before we leave him alone. It was been a miracle worker. We also started working on some techniques that were mentioned in the book suggested by the vet. 

We will have had Wallaby for 7 months come January 6th. Wallaby still suffers from separation anxiety but it’s nowhere as severe as it was when he first got him. He has stopped damaging the bedroom door and the shaking has calmed down. He still jumps on us when he knows we are leaving but as soon as we get him to sit and say settle to him, he calms down. Since we have been taking out to interact with people and other dogs to places like PetSmart and dog parks, he has come out of his shell and enjoys getting attention from strangers and meeting dogs. 

Wallaby’s anxiety will probably always be a problem but at this point with the CBD oil and techniques we have implemented, his anxiety is manageable. If your dog has anxiety, social or separation, I highly recommend talking to your vet about CBD and reading the book, Decoding Your Dog. Knowing he is getting better has been such a relief for us and him too.

CBD oil we use:


Posted in blog, emotions, family, fandom, friendship, geek, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, music, nerd, poem, poetry, relationship, Uncategorized

To anyone that might read this

Hi my name is Stacey and thank you for visiting my blog. I started this blog years ago when I was going through the worst depression I have ever experienced and needed a safe place to express my emotions, my thoughts. My depression back in 2015 was no joke, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t function as a human being. I had to go on leave from work for six months and was going to therapy, at first five times a week, with a psychologist and a counselor. I had no real support in my life which made everything ten times tougher. I was in a loveless, harmful relationship with a guy that believed his problems were the only problems that mattered. My family lived in another state which sucked but honestly even if they had been in the same state, their presence would have probably added to my depression.

Let me explain. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I am a disappointment to her. I am first generation college student who was always good at school so my family expected me to go to a university, graduate in four years and get a good paying job right out of college. Let’s just say that did not happen. Instead I moved away from my family after my freshmen year, moved in with a boy, and dropped out of college. My family, especially my mom, likes to bring this up and how I should be done with school and my degree by now. Also my mom doesn’t believe in psychology and psychological disorders. She was raised in Mexico in a very Catholic environment and if you had a problem or any stress, you were to pray to God for help not go to a doctor or therapist. So when I had my mental breakdown, my mom could not understand why it was happening and she didn’t believe I needed therapy and medication. To add to all of this, I was getting texts from my sister, who was still living with my parents, that I needed to stop being selfish and move back home because I am upsetting our mom. Absolutely no support or kind words from her at all, just judgement. Lastly, the main reason my depression would have been worse with my family around…my dad. In another future post that I am going to write I will go into detail about my relationship with my dad. All I need to say now is that he was a compulsive gambler and alcoholic for my entire childhood and life (until recently) and he is a great deal of stress and anxiety in my life. I never told him about my depression or anxiety because he would have made a joke about it and believed that I was just being a “drama queen.” Currently, our relationship has improved slightly but if I spend too much time around him, or see him and my mom interact, my anxiety and stress spikes.

Okay, enough about my family drama. Back to reason I am writing all of this down. I want this page to be where I can write about anything and have a conversation with people about issues like depression, anxiety, family problems, unhealthy relationships. But also have a place to talk about fun things that I love like fantasy books (or just books in general XD), movies, harry potter, supernatural, dungeons and dragons, paranormal, conspiracies, etc. etc! I also want to continue to work on my poetry which has a special place in my heart. I think I covered everything I wanted to cover. I hope someone reads this and wants to come continue a conversation with me that I start. We shall see I guess! Thanks to anyone who is here reading this!


Posted in blog, emotions, friendship, Insecurities, life, lifestyle, love, mourning, poem, poetry, relationship, Uncategorized


Been thinking of you lately 

All of our memories, 

our goals and dreams 

Images flood my mind 

The strangest things remind of me you 

The holidays always make me reflect 

On life, on my choices, my goals 

Before you were included in my life, choices, goals

Now you don’t fit into the equation

Around me I see happiness, a future 

I see my dreams coming true

A smile on my face more and more 

Then I remember you and the past 

You were my biggest cheerleader, 

My best friend 

But you choose to be hostile, to change and 

not be willing to change together 

So now I’m happy 

But without you

it seems weird 

I know it’s just weird now 

This is all new to me, of course it’s weird 

Soon I’ll still be happy

But without the weirdness  

because eventually this weirdness will disappear